second time

The second time hurts just as bad if not more.

Today I saw you walk away from me again and despite telling myself to stay strong, I find that I cannot. It breaks my heart so much that I cannot be with you, when that is all my heart wants.

I want to hold on to you and never let you go but our circumstances are just too complicated for even such a simple act of affection.

I told myself last night to hold it together and to concentrate on the family, simply because I feel like I owe you that much to find out. Yet when I saw your face today, I just crumbled inside. Every part of my wants to be a part of you. So much that it hurts.

In a way, I am glad that you have left because I cannot stand the thought of you seeing me like this. The tears refuse to stop and I do not know how to stop them.

The next 90 days will be the longest days of my life; I already know that much. I just wonder if there will be anything for us at the end of that time. Even if there is not, I will always have the memory of the last three weeks - a time when I felt truly loved.

I love you so deeply.