forgive me

Tonight I saw a side of you I had never seen. You were angry with me and you refused to let me speak to you. Not even to say I am sorry.

I am sorry. I am.

I spoke to fast and I underestimated the situation. I made a bad judgment and by trying to lighten the situation, I put you in trouble. To make it worse, I did not even have a clue that you were upset until it was too late. You were gone by the time I realised it.

I am an idiot.
But I am YOUR idiot. Do I not get a second chance?

I betrayed your trust in me. I broke your heart. But tonight you broke mine right back.

Even as I write this, I cannot hold back my tears.

I called you but you refused to take my call. I messaged you but you refused to reply.

I tried to find you. I drove and I drove and I drove, but I couldn't find you. I went to where I thought you would be, but you were not.

In desperation I went around the houses, from street to street hoping that I might catch a glimpse of you. I would have even settled for a glimpse of your car. But as I went around, I suddenly realised how silly I was being.

What if I did indeed find you? What would I do then? What could I do? What could I possibly do? Get down on my knees and pleaded for forgiveness? Lock you in an embrace and explain myself? Kiss and make up? I could never do any of that. It pains me to know that I can't even say 'sorry' the way lovers were meant to say it.

So I left.

I am sorry that I spoilt our dinner. It was supposed to have been a good night tonight. But it isn't anymore. It is my fault.

By now I am sure they are wondering why I am sitting before my computer, my eyes all red. It pains my heart that I will not even be able to tell them why. So it is best I stopped writing now and head on home. I can only hope that you will not be too angry to find this letter I have left for you.

I am sorry I broke your heart. Now mine is broken too.

Please forgive me.